4-29-19

i actually thought about not logging for Monday, as i knew i was out of whack, but that's not how it's done, is it?  nothing hidden changes.  so, breakfast was 2 sausage and cheese on english muffin sandwiches and a strawberry milk. lunch was the pasta my friend made for my parents on Saturday.  dinner was 2 slices of leftover pizza and leftover salad.  my carb intake is ridiculous.  i am in the process, once again, of eating myself to death.  i keep wanting to say 'i don't know what the problem is', but bullshitting myself won't change things either.  the problem is depression, lack of self-motivation, self-pity and fear over a dwindling light called 'a future'.  and the last is the one that holds the sharpest knife right now.  just a little insight.  shit's got to change...