REsults

early Thursday morning.  i missed yesterday.  exhaustion getting off work, and then the results of my biopsy from my urologist.  but, let's catch up first.  won't take long.

the past 2 days were not bad at all.  i've had some opportunities to do some things that made me feel pretty good.  i've tried to be a comfort to some, and tried to teach things to some stubborn people in other situations, things that would possibly benefit them from old ways of thinking.  no conjecture, no opinion, just sharing experiences.  i've gone to my meeting yesterday and saw my mother, made her a breakfast sandwich, saw the growing change in her and my father's living situation.  they have no cheese in their house, but they have a pregnant niece living with them.  i've worked, am getting more adjusted to my route, getting it more memorized.  i've gotten my turn-by-turn paperwork almost finished, just have to tweak a couple more details.  i've been feeling okay, tired mostly.  nothing new about that, eh?  been eating, way too much bread yesterday as i resorted to fast food because i was on the move, but still doing better.  need to get back to exercising.  i've been praying, i enjoy praying before meals again, haven't been able to say that since childhood.  the work week is almost over, and i will rest should the weekend be mine to do with what i want to. 

but the biopsy revealed some small cancer spots. 

and i am in a conflicted mind behind that.  but i'm working toward patience and acceptance of whatever God wills in this for me.  there is nothing else to do. 
it's funny.  i'm working good and things are almost manageable in my life.  i have diabetes, high blood pressure and a lifelong depression.  as i type, i think about the numbness that is a constant in my fingertips now.  neuropathy, set in and deepening.  i'm overweight, lifelong battle, and i am alone in my world.  i don't know what other things i deal with, but in a purely human sense, i'd think that was enough on a human plate, at least an American one, eh?  but life doesn't work that way.  life on life's terms is, you get what's at the buffet, and you don't get to fix your own plate, you just have to eat. 

i'm not going to panic, i'm not going to get dramatic.  i have to see this through.  i have turned as much over to my God as i can, and i'll continue to do so as i'm able.  i anticipate bad days ahead, but i have good days ahead too.  life, on life's terms. 

work lies ahead today.  i'm going to go to the grocery store between runs, get some needed things, get home to put things away and rest, and then finish the day.  i'm thankful to Jehovah, i have everything i need, and some things i want, and some things i don't want but that comes with the things i want.  i am blessed, and i know that i am.