3-31-19

not a great eating day.  had the half-frittata for breakfast as mentioned, but i also had a ton of junk throughout the day, the results of not even trying to watch what i put in my mouth on the road today.  two donuts, chips, a dessert with my lunch.  lunch wasn't bad, chicken and beans and rice.  and i had two pieces of chicken for a late dinner.  but still, i got to do better than that. 

3-29-19, 3-30-19

best recollection is all i can do at this point.  i know on Friday i didn't have breakfast, i had a fish sandwich for lunch with a few fries and a bowl of an amazing tomato/cabbage soup, and i had catfish, broccoli & cheese and a baked sweet potato for dinner.  yesterday i had a frittata for breakfast that had smoked sausage, small diced potato, spinach, onions, peppers egg and cheese, and one piece of wheat toast with sugar free jelly.  for lunch i had a patty melt at Perkins, a few fries, a cup of chicken tortilla soup and a piece of pie.  i had a lunch pie in the evening.  that was it for Saturday.  this is Sunday and i've had the other half of the frittata from yesterday.  i'll post the official meal log on Monday morning, as i'll be traveling soon. 

the Journey

3-28-19

Own damn fault, but a better day. Breakfast: a hamburger patty with a fried egg on top, melted pepperjack cheese.
Lunch: a salad of greens, tomato, onion and plantain chips with roast pork & 3 whole garlic parm wings. But dinner will be fish, wings and fries. More details at the Journey later.

3-27-19

been rough going, still doing the dumb shit, not avoiding because of that, just been succumbing to the grief of a recent loss, i imagine.

breakfast yesterday, 2 McD's breakfast burritos.  lunch was a gyro from Ghossein's.  dinner was a cup of stir fry with rice, a turkey sausage and a spinach salad with chicken and pepper jack cheese.  had a lunch size cherry pie for dessert.  that's all for now.  no more fast food starting today.  other changes coming. 

3-24-19ca, 3-25-19

kinda missed an actual update yesterday.  not sure how, since i didn't leave the house except to go to the store, but oh well...

breakfast on Sunday was bacon, eggs and grits.  lunch/dinner was a chicken burrito (to eliminate some of this chicken from my parent's house) and a bowl of clam chowder.  didn't eat a meal after that, but i had a piece of apple pie and some caramel swirl ice cream on top.  that's about it for yesterday. 

today i had a huge breakfast sandwich from BK. totally indulgent, i admit.  i had a section of sub sandwich at my parent's house about 10, and i had 2 egg rolls and some hot and sour soup at 12:30 or so.  i'm going to have a burger and a spinach salad for dinner.  not sure if i'll have more pie.  that's about the size of that right now.  caught up at the Dining Table, and time to get back to the Journey.

Eating Grief

...fair enough representation.  i am not going to attempt to log breakfast, lunch and dinner over the last 2 days, because they don't exist.  i've been eating just to put food in my face, mostly to maintain the numbness, i believe, over my brother Robert Thomas' death.  but i have to continue to log, because that's the responsibility and the discipline necessary to bring about the coming change.  plus, that's what the Journey is really all about, isn't it?  not perfect steps, but perfect disclosure. 

so, let's see.  chips.  2 ice cream bars.  chicken.  a lot of chicken, mostly fried, but some baked.  a whole 3 egg frittata yesterday.  pizza, two or three pieces.  i think that might be about the worst of it.  huh.  but i mean, a LOT of chicken. 

okay, i'm going to get back on track today.  thanks for not forgetting me. 

3-20-19

time for bed.  quick jotting, not a great day.  breakfast was a sourdough sandwich from BK and small tots.  lunch was 2 pieces of chicken and cole slaw.  dinner was haddock, fries and a salad.  way too many starches today, and the fast food thing needs to be stopped, not slowed down.  had 4 cookies after dinner.  not disgusted with myself, just need to do better.  done. 

3-19-19

well, we keep going, don't we?  no breakfast this morning, had Chinese for lunch (spicy garlic beef w steamed rice, hot and sour soup, appetizers of one wing ding, one crab rangoon and two egg rolls), dinner was a chicken sandwich, much like the one pictured except made at home, and some broccoli and cheese.  had six peanut butter cookies for dessert.  that's about the size of that today. 

3-18-19

well, breakfast yesterday was UBER-responsible, but the rest of the day...not so much.

breakfast was two boiled eggs and a banana.  i know, right?

lunch was a hot pepper sandwich and a bowl of wedding soup.  not the worst, but that sandwich... i won't go into a description, as i'm not going to set myself up for a repeat.

dinner was cool, a fajita salad to make up for the heavy bread at lunch. 

BUT...

i had peanut butter cups before my noon runs, i had a piece of turtle cheesecake for dessert last night.  i did have cantaloupe for my snack.

so it could have been worse.  but it could have been better too.  have to stay honest. 

3-17-19

Sunday was a pretty good eating day as well, though i felt sabotage was working on my mind in the craving of a reuben, since the abundance of them on st. patrick's day was a 'good excuse'.  but it didn't happen.

breakfast - scrambled eggs and homefries (one potato, peppers and onions)

lunch - a fajita, much like the one pictured above

dinner - a fajita 

had two small pieces of cake at lunch (b-day thing) and some cantaloupe after dinner.  drank lots of water.  no leg cramps last night.

3-16-19

again, the day was a better day.  i actually picked up fruit from the store yesterday, and i've not had much fruit in my house since last year.  easy, so easy, to slip away from doing better for yourself, so easy to slide back into WANT, and so hard to get scaled back to NEED when it comes to consumption of food.  but i did better. 

on Saturday, i had a mess for breakfast.  one medium potato, cubed and sauteed with crumbled sausage, onions, eggs and cheese.  lunch was a piece of smoked sausage on one slice of multi-grain bread with chicken noodle soup on the side, and dinner was a hamburger, much like the one pictured above, with a creamy chicken and wild rice soup from Progresso.  i had some cantaloupe, a sugar-free pudding during the day and for dessert, one cream puff.  and that was actually it.  so, again, the day was a better day.  tomorrow morning, i start moving this flesh for exercise. 

The Journey

3-15-19

 well, did i do better on Friday than Thursday?  unequivocally, yes.  did i do as i wanted to do, what my usual aim is?  no, but that's okay.  there is not an aim for perfection at this point, but to progress, to get better and to change to stay changed for once.  that's the objective every time, but if i do a little at a time, if i modify as i go, i will continue to improve.  and there's nothing wrong with that at all.

so breakfast yesterday was smoked sausage and scrambled eggs with cheese, and a piece of multi-grain toast with sugar free jelly.  lunch was beer batter fried fish with homefries and soup and a salad.  dinner was a grilled cheese sandwich and tomato soup.  i had 5 peanut butter cookies for dessert and popcorn while i watched a movie on the television.  again, not bad. 

today i'm going to get some fruit to snack on instead of all my snack stuff needing to be carbohydrates, though.  need to change as the end-of-day carbs is raising my blood sugar level overnight.  we'll hit today's meals before midnight, also a good goal to shoot for.  ciao.

the Journey

3/14/19

Easy to overlook and pretend like s*** is okay. But I think to clarify, I am emerging from a depression. Not emerged. So on Thursday, I had a breakfast sandwich from McDonald's. Sausage egg and cheese biscuit. For lunch, I had an 8-inch Pizza and cheese sticks. For dinner, I had beans. But, the problem was I ate a bunch of s*** between I shouldn't have eaten. Like chips, a slice of cake, cookies, Etc. But if I can't be honest about it, I'll go back to hiding it. So here's my update. And today I will do better than I did yesterday. Thank you, Jehovah.

3-13-19

well, let's get this party started, shall we?

i am doing this now, at about a quarter after 6pm, because that way i can lock in the end of my eating right now.  i didn't have breakfast this morning, but i did have a pack of peanut butter crackers on the bus, 4 in total.  for lunch i had some wings, totaling six, and about a solidly packed cup of collard greens.  i also had a half chicken sandwich at my parent's house (sliced rotisserie chicken on one slice of bread with a bit of mayo).  for dinner, a catfish salad (not nearly as pretty as the one pictured above) and three leftover wings.  dessert is going to be peanut butter cookies and milk.  this isn't about denial, so much as cutting way back and getting more physically active, as well as accountability.  i am grateful for the meals, grateful for the day and am done now.

(http://dysfunctionaldystopian.blogspot.com/)

Returning

i've been out of control.

that's the bottom line, and it's an emotional response to my external environment and my internal health concerns and fears.  but i can't keep living this way.

starting today, i go back to full-time monitoring and logging.  i will do this at the end of each day, and will work on tracking the Journey at the beginning of each day, as i've already begun to do.

thank you, to whomever, for being patient with me.