didn't give up...

i'm sure it seems like i did, but i did not.  i am not making the progress i'd like to; the exercise has not been happening.  but the eating has remained consistent for the most part.  i just have to get my shit in gear as far as the logging and burning some fucking calories, that's all.  but anyway, today's breakfast was an omelet with toast.  omelet was spinach, potato and cheese.  lunch was two hot italian turkey sausages with onions, peppers and apples, with cabbage, left over from yesterday's dinner.  and today's dinner will likely be shepherd's pie.  so, that's what's going on Sunday, November 18, 2018. peace, homie.

October 28th, 2018

yesterday, i had a slice of peanut butter bread in the morning, before i met Marc for brunch. 

i had country fried steak, scrambled eggs and rye toast.  gravy on steak, strawberry jelly on toast.

dinner was meatballs, broccoli and salad. 

no night snack needed. 

October 25th, 2018

that would be yesterday, I believe.  for breakfast, i had a two-egg omelet, with spinach, kielbasa slices, tomato, red onion and aged white cheddar.  for lunch, i had a buffalo chicken salad, which i regret as it had fries on it.  for dinner, i had the other half of the salad with soup.  better than a month ago.  the weight is coming down, according to my shirts that will button around my belly again. 😎

sorry about the delay...

quite a bit going on, as you know if you are following The Journey but i'll try to do better.

today i had no breakfast, a pack of crackers at some point on the ride back from 1st runs.  for lunch i had a gyro salad and a pita.  for dinner i had two chicken legs and soup.  no evening snack, at least so far, HA!  haven't gone off the food rails, just need to get back to exercising.  that's about it.  now on to sleep, perchance to dream about something nice...

October 20th, 2018

gotta do this one, will probably have to do another one later to log my lunch and dinner, should they occur.  but i have to get yesterday down. 

on 10/20, i had a cup of chili for breakfast.  i had two cheeseburger patties with tomato and spinach salad for lunch.  i had one hamburger patty for dinner, and a bowl of honey-nut Cheerios for a snack last night. 

on Friday, the 19th, i had kielbasa and eggs for breakfast, a gyro salad for lunch and black beans and rice and some kind of meat for dinner.  i am amazed that i can't remember what kind of meat i had on friday.  anyway, that's the update.  i'll try to log meals for today from today.  good bye for now. 

October 17th, 18th, 2018

okay, yesterday i didn't have breakfast, i had wings for lunch, and i had chicken, soup and scalloped potatoes for dinner.  no breakfast today, lunch was chili, dinner was pork chops, cali blend veggies and again scalloped potatoes.  the potatoes aren't the worst, as i'm not doing carbs through the day, but they're far from the best option and i threw the rest out, because i'm not going to keep rationalizing my meals.  had half a peanut butter sandwich as my snack tonight.  i'm out. 

October 15, 16, 2018

tired, but i got to get this stuff down. 
yesterday i danced and i went for a walk. today i didn't do anything physical. 

no breakfast either day, but yesterday had a pack of breakfast cookie thingies from Da Boss.

lunch was salad and sausage, onions and peppers.

dinner was a chicken quesadilla from down the street with a small salad on the side.

no breakfast today. 

lunch was 2 egg rolls, hot and sour soup and chicken and garlic sans rice.

dinner was two hamburger patties, topped with sauteed spinach and tomatoes, and some of my purgatory soup. an orange for dessert. 

move your ass tomorrow. 

October 14th, 2018

breakfast: two eggs, kielbassa
lunch: chili, chicken & ribs (lawd...)
dinner: chicken, rib and scalloped potatoes (again...lawd.)
snack: sugar free pudding

october 12 & 13, 2018

honestly, what is my problem?  i don't know why i didn't publish the last update here, left it in as a draft for 2 days.  sorry about that.  anyway, here's another 2 days, but i will publish this when i'm done. 

so, friday.  did a bit too much, admittedly.  not breakfast.  breakfast was bacon and eggs.  lunch was chicken parm, fried zucchini and eggplant with sauce and cheese.  dinner was cod, wings and a salad, and soup, half a slice of bread.  cereal at night for a snack.  got to stop that, as it raises my sugar too much.

saturday.  breakfast was meat loaf and eggs.  lunch didn't happen.  dinner was soup and meat loaf, slice of bread.  dessert was an apple and cheddar cheese. 

this eating thing is getting kind of weird.  need some variety. 

October 9th and 10th, 2018

i missed yesterday.  i was weary, just mentally i think, and i ate and put it down.  but still, no excuse.  so i'll try to recap.

on Tuesday, i had no breakfast.  still skipping sometimes, and i'm still okay with that.  lunch was a thin breast of grilled chicken on grilled italian bread (open face, one slice) with provolone, greens, peppers and some other crap on it, with some grilled asparagus on the side.  dinner was wings and applesauce.  see? not hard.  ate some cheese crackers on the bus.

Today.  breakfast was a steak omelet and applesauce.  lunch was a chicken breast and a cabbage roll.  dinner was meat loaf, a small baked sweet potato and steamed chopped spinach.  good stuff.  eating is going well, exercise is spotty, and that has to change.

more stuff at the Journey.

October 8th, 2018

i am not always inclined toward breakfast these days, a sure change from the old days.  nor do i feel i am missing it, when all i do in the morning is sit on my ass and drive, getting up twice to put a client on the bus and strap their wheelchair down and to unstrap them and take them off at their workshop. 

that said, yesterday, the 8th of October, no breakfast.  lunch was six garlic parm wings and a salad.  dinner was a steak fajita, made at home, steak and peppers and onion and red beans in a tortilla shell with cheese, and applesauce.  i had peanut butter on the spoon after that, and before bed, applesauce and cottage cheese. 

October 7, 2018

breakfast:  eggs scrambled with green peppers and american cheese, sausage links and one piece of rye toast

lunch (more or less): 10 chicken nuggets, one chicken thigh, one biscuit

dinner: 3 alfredo wings, eggplant spaghetti made with spaghetti squash

had a bowl of honey-nut cheerios before sleep.

October 5th, 2018

so, five days in, five pounds down about.  I guess.  it's a start, but I need to get more active.  regardless, this is the Dining Room, not the Gym.

Friday, 10/5
breakfast: kielbasa and a boiled egg
lunch: 4 wings, 2 jojo fries
dinner: fish (perch, walleye & cod), sautéed spinach with onion, tomato, garlic and mushrooms, touch of cheddar, and homemade applesauce
had a 4 pack of peanut butter crackers on my afternoon runs, cup of sugar-free pudding after dinner and three teaspoons of peanut butter before bed.\

October 3rd & 4th, 2018

had a rough day yesterday, going to have to play catch up again in the Journey as well, but at least it's 24 hours worth, not days and days.  but i can recall the meals, pretty well.

on Wednesday, October 3rd, i started the day with a sausage patty and two eggs, scrambled.  for lunch i had a gyro salad from Ghossain's, and for dinner i had a wonderful roasted lamb with peppers and onions and a salad.  my in-between, when i can't seem to help it, is pork rinds, zero carbs.

today, i had a half a cup of oatmeal, leftover and heated from the fridge.  for lunch, i had chicken fries and chicken nuggets from BK (still trying to keep the fast food out, but i had to put something in me, and that was the most loyal to the plan i could remain), and for dinner i just had two parmesan chicken tenders made as a chicken marinara, broccoli and cheddar and a garden salad, very tasty all.  i've got sugar free pudding for dessert, but i'm not sure how i'm going to get down on that.  but that's the current status, and i thank my Heavenly Father for keeping me moving. 

October 2, 2018

second day.
breakfast - ham and eggs.
lunch(ish) - Denny's omelet (ultimate omelet), sausage links, one piece rye toast.
Dinner - steak, baked potato w cheese, cali blend vegetables.
cottage cheese & applesauce as night snack.

October 1, 2018

can i feel better about posting my meals on Monday?  sure i can.  but i've been honest up til now, and i will continue to do so.

so, on Monday (yesterday, as of this typing)
breakfast - oatmeal (1 cup cooked) with brown sugar
lunch - chicken breast and thigh with a small salad (mixed greens, onion, mushroom, banana peppers, strawberries, tomato, bacon and blue cheese dressing, sprinkle of cheddar)
dinner - chili mac (leftover chili, half cup of leftover macaroni)
snack - 1/3 apple, sliced, some with cheddar, some with peanut butter. 

exercised when I awoke before i started prep for the day. 

on to day 2.

gluttony vs love

what do you do?
when you feel the world is getting too big for you, what do you do?  what do YOU do?
i've been in a funk of the totally non-funky kind for months now.  slowly gaining what i had worked to get rid of.  so easy to get back on the wrong track, back into the wrong habits.  so hard to get back to the right path.
but see, i got to do it.
i eat because i am not loving myself the way i should.  i also eat because i'm loving myself the way i should.  it's the rough part about having a compulsive/obsessive eating disorder.  you eat, either way.
the thing is, discipline.  can you put the three meals in, in the way you're supposed to, and not give in to the desire to anesthetize?
i have done it before.  i CAN do it.
the trick, of course, is to do it for a day.
And BE ACCOUNTABLE.
without accountability, it won't last.
today, i had no real breakfast.  an inch square of lasagna as i put the rest in the freezer and cut a piece for Da Boss to take to her at work tomorrow.
before the meeting, i ate a piece of whole wheat bread with peanut butter on it.  i'm generous with peanut butter.  i had about a half cup of corn chips also.
i had dinner, which was a burger on whole wheat, with tomatoes, spinach, onions, cheddar, bacon and mayo.  i had salad and green beans with it.
dessert was a slice of someone's anniversary cake, and the last of my dulce de leche ice cream.  all gone, bye-bye.
no more ice cream purchases.  no more desserts, sugar-free or otherwise.
not for the next 2 months, anyway.
going to start learning how to do whole grain stuff for real, legumes and roots and shit.  going to start working on me, working on the last part of my life being significantly different than the first.  it can be done.
it will be done.
if i love myself.
i need to be accountable.  i need to be held accountable.
and i need to thank my God for bringing me back to this point.

Ditto

this and the Journey aren't the only things that have faded from my immediate radar, but it's not cool to skip so much and i am going to try to get better with it. 

on Monday, September 24th, i had two ham and egg biscuit sandwiches for breakfast. made them myself in my kitchen.  for lunch, i had rice and beans and roasted pork, very good stuff, from Papa's.  for dinner, i had a cheeseburger and green beans.  had pie and ice cream for dessert.  i think i'm skipping breakfast today, not feeling it particularly.  i also think i'm going to get stuff to make some chili, as it is getting cooler in weather and chili's good for a couple days at least.  time to get ready for work. 

Skipping Breakfast

i admit, it's likely not the smartest thing to do.  but i'm not really feeling waking up and eating right now.  so, i'm down to two meals a day.  don't feel like i'm restricting; just feel like i like to grow into a hunger, i guess.

anyway, lunch yesterday was a burger on 12 grain bread, with blue cheese and cheddar, tomatoes and spinach, and a spinach salad.  dinner was a chicken philly wrap from the food cart, and i ate half the fries.  had ice cream for dessert. 

Updating

it has been a bit, yes.  but i know i can only pick up where i fell into neglect, i can't go back and fill in time-wise.

yesterday i had eggs (2), bacon (3 strips) and a piece of whole wheat toast for breakfast, cup of milk.  for lunch, menu-wise a beefy Frito burrito and a spicy tostada from the Bell.  dinner was a cup of cereal. 

i have not been doing much breakfast lately, have sought to reduce the fast food intake again and am trying to remain aware of my food intake as well as my hunger levels.  time for change, just like summer to autumn.  time to go, also. 

How Do I Feel?

it's hard to get a picture of fog on a highway in a moving vehicle, but that's the picture.  and that's how i feel right now.  i feel as if i'm driving into a familiar place where everything is obscured due to the cloud that's come down, or up as the case may be.  and while i'm relatively sure i'll get where i'm trying to go, i'm not as certain that the road exists past the edge of how far i can see into the cloud.  does that make sense?  i don't care, it's accurate at the moment.

today was not terrible.  prayer and meditation, breakfast and insulin and pills, and rolled out to work.  easy morning, not a bad afternoon either, just one missed turn on the return from something i hadn't yet done as the driver on this particular route.

the office was the usual mess, with misinformation, missed communication opportunities and the grumbling and backbiting doing their usual termite routine on whatever foundation might be constructing itself.  does that mean i'm feeling like a part of things there these days?  sad to say, but maybe so.

i didn't go to my parent's house today, i went to the store, got some needed things and came home.  went to lunch with Lonnie.  told him about the diagnosis.  talked for a bit before i went back to work.  i'm still worried.  but i'm not afraid.  that's a good distinction to be able to make. 

to my knowledge, i've never been in an absolute fog.  like above, i can usually see the lines on the road, the tail lights ahead of me, indicating someone has been where i'm going, so it's possible to transverse this phenomenon.  and, there is always the sure knowledge, at least in these environs, that the sun will dissipate the obscurity soon enough.  i am grateful for a full day, and i will do my best should tomorrow come.  thank you, Father. 

REsults

early Thursday morning.  i missed yesterday.  exhaustion getting off work, and then the results of my biopsy from my urologist.  but, let's catch up first.  won't take long.

the past 2 days were not bad at all.  i've had some opportunities to do some things that made me feel pretty good.  i've tried to be a comfort to some, and tried to teach things to some stubborn people in other situations, things that would possibly benefit them from old ways of thinking.  no conjecture, no opinion, just sharing experiences.  i've gone to my meeting yesterday and saw my mother, made her a breakfast sandwich, saw the growing change in her and my father's living situation.  they have no cheese in their house, but they have a pregnant niece living with them.  i've worked, am getting more adjusted to my route, getting it more memorized.  i've gotten my turn-by-turn paperwork almost finished, just have to tweak a couple more details.  i've been feeling okay, tired mostly.  nothing new about that, eh?  been eating, way too much bread yesterday as i resorted to fast food because i was on the move, but still doing better.  need to get back to exercising.  i've been praying, i enjoy praying before meals again, haven't been able to say that since childhood.  the work week is almost over, and i will rest should the weekend be mine to do with what i want to. 

but the biopsy revealed some small cancer spots. 

and i am in a conflicted mind behind that.  but i'm working toward patience and acceptance of whatever God wills in this for me.  there is nothing else to do. 
it's funny.  i'm working good and things are almost manageable in my life.  i have diabetes, high blood pressure and a lifelong depression.  as i type, i think about the numbness that is a constant in my fingertips now.  neuropathy, set in and deepening.  i'm overweight, lifelong battle, and i am alone in my world.  i don't know what other things i deal with, but in a purely human sense, i'd think that was enough on a human plate, at least an American one, eh?  but life doesn't work that way.  life on life's terms is, you get what's at the buffet, and you don't get to fix your own plate, you just have to eat. 

i'm not going to panic, i'm not going to get dramatic.  i have to see this through.  i have turned as much over to my God as i can, and i'll continue to do so as i'm able.  i anticipate bad days ahead, but i have good days ahead too.  life, on life's terms. 

work lies ahead today.  i'm going to go to the grocery store between runs, get some needed things, get home to put things away and rest, and then finish the day.  i'm thankful to Jehovah, i have everything i need, and some things i want, and some things i don't want but that comes with the things i want.  i am blessed, and i know that i am. 

Nevermind

sorry, but i got to get on with this.

on Monday, 9/10/18
breakfast: open faced sausage egg and cheese on toast
lunch: 2 frito burritos from TB
dinner: a cheeseburger at home with sauteed spinach and a spinach, tomato, onion and blue cheese salad.
ice cream for dessert

Eating Stress

started with 2 sausage egg and cheese biscuits, made in my kitchen, with a glass of milk.  could have eaten one and been happy, to be honest.

lunch was chicken fried steak, mashed potatoes, soup and salad.  decent enough.  dinner was a chicken philly sandwich and some of my stuffed pepper soup.  had a donut for dessert.  simple entree today.  i'm done, cause i'm nodding and laying on letters. 

why the neglect?

because. 

because i know i haven't been doing right.

because i know that i've been allowing my dis-ease, my obsessive/compulsive behavior to determine my intake of food.

because i've been ashamed of my eating, and the TOTI (from early in the Journey) thinks that if nothing is written, nothing is known.  nevermind the fatness i see in my face, the loss of a neck, the ill-fitting clothes again.  nevermind the shortness of breath, the legs hurting and the upward tick of the blood glucose.  and for certain, nevermind that any of these things indicate a slow march toward worse sickness or very inappropriate death. 

i make me sick, i go voluntarily,  and i allow my depression to drive the vehicle.

these are my honest confessions.  i have to be true, because if i'm not, power remains with the dysfunction. 

for the past two days, i've been eating more conscientiously. i intend to continue along this line, as i don't want to just roll over and die. 

so yesterday, for example, as today i believe, i skipped the breakfast of 415 am.  i did get a breakfast sandwich from TB, but only one, and a hash brown.  but the fast food has to go and stay gone.  for lunch, i had two roll ups of ham and colby cheese, a quarter cup of potato salad and some apple sauce.  for dinner i had pasta with garlic, spinach, tomatoes, green peppers, onion and mushrooms, with parmesan cheese, and two chicken strips.  i had donuts, but i'm okay with that. 

physical effort must follow.  i've felt the need for it, but not the urge.  i still don't feel the urge, but the need will have to do. 

i'm not going to keep hiding from this page, either.  good, bad or indifferent, this is a place for honesty.  no one's judgment is more profound than my own, and Jehovah does not judge me for this; he gives me a conscience, and i judge myself.  that's how it's always been.

we will do better. 

getting there slowly

yeah, i've been negligent, here and in myself.  but i'm coming out of this depression, and the awareness is increasing, and the actions are beginning to follow suit.  today for breakfast i had a breakfast burrito, two eggs, 3 sausage links, chopped onion, green pepper and jalapenos, diced tomatoes and pepper jack cheese on a tortilla, with a cup of milk.  for lunch, two beefy Frito burritos from TB, i know, fast food, but i had nothing else available.  dinner, i'm making a pizza and having some soup with it.  possibly turkey pepperoni/sausage and cheese pizza, maybe some shrooms on it.  we'll see.  have two peanut butter cookies for dessert.  have to get up and exercise tomorrow though, nothing changes until that does.  that's enough for the moment.

back to the grind

well, i skipped breakfast today, don't know why.  just felt sluggish this morning and needed to move as efficiently as possible.  lunch was a burger and applesauce.  dinner was sausage, dressing  and cabbage.  in the course of the day i had way too much junk; chips, a hostess cupcake, a milk-shake.  mostly for purposes of anesthetizing myself, but more on that at the Journey.  now i'm on my way to sleep, to get tomorrow started.

Sunday, August 19, 2018

well, it was a good enough day i guess.  breakfast was a mess, literally.  peppers, onions, jalapenos, spinach, a slice of meat loaf, cheddar cheese, all folded into 2 eggs, with cheese grits on the side.  yum-ski.

dinner was fried chicken, dressing with cranberry sauce and cabbage, a brownie for dessert.  not bad on a sunday afternoon.  now i've stuffed other shit in my face that i shouldn't have, but i also was conscious and aware, and pushed myself away before the urge to just go crazy took over.  made a new soup, but more on that later.  time to close up shop and get ready for whatever the new day brings. 

Change Starts this Weekend

so, the damage of the depression:  387lbs.  as of yesterday.  not as bad as it could be, but bad enough.  it's time to take responsibility, time to put myself back in the stream of good change.  can't just let this thing kill me. 

yesterday's meals: 
breakfast - bacon and egg sandwich on whole wheat toast, with pepperjack cheese

lunch - roast beef and turkey sub, like five inch, with a cupcake for dessert

dinner - chili and cornbread and five bbq wingdings

had some cookies at work. 

again, is it as bad as i've eaten in the past?  no.  but the inactivity is killing me, and eating junk and laying down is a classic no-no.  so, tomorrow we shop, we start working out again, even if it's just walking.  SOMETHING.  and we start changing again, because we are a part of a constantly changing universe. 

the Journey

Monday blowout

gonna be kind of hard to account for yesterday, but it is necessary to try, so that i can get back on track.  cloud is lifting, i have to be ready to roll.

so breakfast was a bowl of cereal and a peach.  not bad.

lunch...lunch was two double burgers, some potato salad and green beans.  it was two cookies and a few chips.  lot of water, couple cans of diet soda.  company picnic.  now, i could have gone hog wild, but this is as close as i get anymore.

dinner was leftovers; wings, catfish, baked beans and green beans from the picnic.

ice cream for dessert. 

one double burger would have been enough, though.  keep that in mind.

that was August 13, 2018

Pot Luck Sunday

well, the day is about done.  not a great eating day, but not a horrible one either.

breakfast:  omelet with spinach, peppers and onions and chopped meatloaf, grits and toast

lunch (potluck): pizza, wings, cookies, chips (zoikes!!!!)

dinner:  catfish sandwich topped with cheddar, tomato, spinach and hot banana peppers, home made fries. 

apple for dessert. 

done with the day, time for tomorrow, God willing and the creek don't rise like the Southern Park Mall parking lot.

The Journey

The Days I Can Recall...

It's now 4 days after my last entry. I have been an emotional mess, I'm sure my eating is indicative of that. But not as bad as it could be though. I'm tired of that being the qualifier though.

Like Thursday. I had cereal for breakfast, a catfish sandwich for lunch, and a chicken parm sandwich for dinner. Couldn't tell you now why I got sandwiches for lunch and dinner. Yesterday, I had a peach and some cantaloupe for breakfast, not even coffee. Chinese for lunch, cubed steak and rice for dunner. Ice cream, Little Debbies, been barely restrained.

Today I had a cubed steak with rice and eggs for breakfast, one piece of toast. Don't know anything else just uet. But I'm paying attention. No choice.

August 7th, 2018

where did the summer go?  hell, where did half the year go? 

sometimes it's hard to believe how fast this shit moves after you get to a certain age.  like, time is for the youth in you, and when he moves away, there's just the residue of what used to be eternity.  or something equally as depressing.

anyway, for breakfast today, i had a bowl of cereal.  period.

for lunch, a southwest chipotle steak wrap from Subway.

for dinner, chili and rice and a wedge of cornbread.  good eatin'.

had pie and ice cream for dessert.  i'm done, full and fair to middlin, but more on that on the Journey.  later. 

weekend to today

well, i was out of town this past weekend, and didn't do as bad as i thought i would.  Friday was likely the worst, and that was chicken from Popeyes and sides (already logged).

Saturday was some kind of paper-thin pork loin folded over eggs, cheese and home fries with thick, gloppy sausage gravy at TeeJay's.  lunch was nothing, chips i think.  dinner was beer-batter fried haddock, cole slaw and fries (which i ate but a few of) and some melon, grapes and pineapple with whipped cream for dessert. 

Sunday was a BK sandwich and hash browns for breakfast, beef brisket and mac and cheese for lunch and a burger and fries for dinner on the road. 

today, Monday, i had toast with peanut butter for breakfast, lunch was six wings and a pastelillo from Papa's, and dinner was an omelet and toast.  probably going to have pie for dessert.  that's it for now. 

August 3, 2018

This is for Friday. For breakfast I had an Elegant Mess, eggs scrambled with veggies, onions, peppers, chicken and pepper jack cheese, with home fries and toast. Lunch was 2 slices of veggie pizza and a salad. Dinner was chicken, green beans, mashed potatoes and a biscuit from Popeye's.

August 2, 2018

don't believe i posted this yesterday, that was my dinner, with a salad, on Wednesday.

today's menu was:
the other half of this pizza and a peach for breakfast; a chipotle chicken wrap with veggies and cheese on a spinach wrap for lunch and a burger and soup for dinner.  i'm planning on ice cream for dessert.  sorry i missed yesterday, but i was groggy and sleeping early. 

end o' July

got nothing picture-wise this evening, but that's okay.  today was one of those border days, to be honest.  in a mood, but still pushing.  only thing i know to do. 

breakfast today was meatloaf, eggs and toast, lunch was fish tacos from LJS (tuesday dollar fish tacos, lawd...) and dinner was a half chicken club sandwich, small salad and soup.  had some ice cream and a donut also.  so, that's the itinerary.  want some pie, but i've had enough junk for the day.  out. 

weekend ending

soon begins the work week, soon begins responsibility.  i don't mind.  i did manage some different things this past weekend, and i'm still looking forward to the work day. 

but that's for the Journey, I reckon.

today's menu:
breakfast was one piece of multigrain bread with peanut butter and a cup of milk.
brunch/lunch was country fried steak, home fries, eggs and a piece of rye toast.
dinner was catfish and perch, cabbage and a baked potato. 
dutch apple pie and a scoop of vanilla for dessert.
i am full, i'm sleepy and i have to second-journal so i can get ready for the shut down.  it's been a blessed week for me, and a peaceful enough weekend, for which i'm grateful. 

interesting...

...but anyway...

someone's been checking up on me here, and i can only say 'thank you' whomever you might be. sorry for the inconsistencies, but thank you for being my conscience over the past several months. 

yesterday, hmmm...well, it was peanut butter toast for breakfast, and a chicken salad sandwich, chips, grapes and a snack cake for lunch, and i had fish, cup of chili, mashed potatoes and gravy and a salad for dinner.  the fish dinner wasn't that great, to be honest...

this morning i had an omelet and toast for breakfast, i had fish, baked potato, soup, salad and broccoli for lunch, and a small serving of alfredo for dinner, with ice cream for dessert.  not bad at all, and i'm thankful for all of it. 

Thursday, July 26th

boy, was that a hard edit.  anyway, hey, how are you?  today, i started with a piece of whole wheat toast with peanut butter on it, then a half slice of meat loaf and milk.  i had a meat loaf sandwich for lunch, with some chips, a fudge round and a flavored water, i'm pretty sure.  for dinner i had two burritos, with chicken and steak, spinach, onions, jalapenos and green peppers and black beans and rice.  i had a potato soup with them and some flavored soda.  i feel tired right now, but that's not unusual.  i am grateful for provisions.  that's it for today.

7-25-18

this morning, 430 or so, i had two eggs scrambled with peppers, onion, spinach and cheese, with bacon on the side.  about 9am i had half a chicken sandwich, some chips and a fudge round (little debbie's).  ate the other half sandwich and the rest of the chips with a brownie on my way back to work, one pm.  for dinner, meat loaf and alfredo.  don't feel much like cooking.  that's the menu for today. 

let's get this right...

just had to remove a posting that was meant for the Journey, so here's the real Dining Experience.

for breakfast, half a stromboli.  for lunch, half a southwest steak and cheese chipotle wrap from Subway. for dinner, meat loaf, mashed potatoes and salad. ate a Nutty Bar, some chips and fruit.  that's it.  

Sunday Repast

it's a thoughtful day, and I didn't even try not to eat as i desired today, though i didn't go as far as i could have gone. 

breakfast was country fried steak with eggs, hash browns and rye toast, gravy over everything but the toast.  i ate part of the potatoes, one of two pieces of toast.  i had a donut and a cookie at the meeting.  for dinner, i had half a stromboli...HALF a stromboli, didn't even know such a thing was possible, and salad with bleu cheese dressing.  just finished ice cream for dessert.  i am pretty okay with it.  back to the conscious eating tomorrow. 

So Bad At This...

the light is horrible on this picture, but i am posting it as i made it for my mother on Friday, part of my dad's birthday dinner. 

i miss a lot of posts here, and i don't really think it's deliberate, nor is it completely arbitrary.  i am just not as invested here as i should be.  not really a food poster, and i am not one to try to impress anyone with what i am doing.  the purpose of this activity is to log my eating, and i guess that's still not something i am naturally inclined to do.  a huge explanation that says the obvious, i know.

saturday for breakfast, i had a sweet potato pancake, bacon, eggs and milk.  for lunch, i stopped at Popeyes, had a breast and two wings, mashed potatoes and green beans and a biscuit.  for dinner, i had my own alfredo from the other day, made with chicken, broccoli and imitation crab, over pasta, and a side salad.

after my lead, i ate a bowl of cereal.  in the course of the day, i had two hostess-style cupcakes and a pack of snack crackers. not as bad as it could be, by any stretch. 

now, on with the new day. 

better directions

not sure why i didn't update yesterday, but i'm not going to just skip completely. 

the changes are coming along okay, by God's grace.  i'm eating less, and i'm doing more.  i can't say 100 percent the depression is lifting, but i can say the emotional weight is not as heavy, and so i am able to function in thought and feeling and not just reaction.  to that effect:

breakfast yesterday was really breaking fast, and i had eggs scrambled with diced ham and salami and cheese, and grits.  lunch was a sandwich (smoked chicken on whole wheat with cheese, spinach, tomato and mayo), some chips, an orange and a personal sized pie.  dinner was a personal pizza made at home, sausage/pepperoni, and a bowl of chicken corn chowder.  ice cream for dessert.  the between stuff has significantly lessened. i'm starting to feel more like myself again. 

going to update The Journey real quick, and then to work. 

better direction

what would we call it?  a better day?  that sounds good enough for now.  it was a better day.  because i realized i have been sabotaging out of a reiterated grief, and it's time to stop.  so i took a cake away that i really didn't need here, and i got to eating with a better purpose than i had been prior. 

so, breakfast yesterday:  an omelet, 3 eggs, spinach, turkey, white cheddar, diced tomato, and 2 biscuits with honey.  cup of milk.  lunch was a half turkey sandwich with cheese on whole wheat bread.  dinner was 2 salmon croquettes, a sweet potato mash (sweet potatoes boiled and fork-whipped, with a tiny bit of sugar, nutmeg, butter, a dollop of coffee creamer and marshmallows), and cauliflower with cheddar.  ice cream for dessert.  had some popcorn as a snack earlier in the day.  that was for Sunday, July the 15th, 2018.  now it's time to get on with life. 

the Journey

Resume

Starting again, slightly different perspective. But yesterday's menu was...

Breakfast: honey-nut Cheerios
Lunch: chicken, spinach and tomato sandwich on 12 grain, chips and cherries.
Dinner: steak spinach salad with 2 grilled wings.
Had snack crackers and a pack of Oreos, and ice cream ended the night.

That is all.

Precipice...

so the plan, starting tomorrow morning, is simplicity itself.  i have to eat responsibly, which means a minimum of carbs, an elimination of fried foods, a maximizing of poultry, fish and vegetables.  six days a week, eat responsibly, get active.  one day a week, have at it.  i don't know for sure if this is going to be effective but i know something has to change, and i must accept some discipline if change is to take place. 

today, i had home fries and scrambled eggs with cheese for breakfast.  i had two burgers and a hot dog, and some elbow macaroni goulash, and cake for lunch at the meeting pot luck.  i had steak, cauliflower soup and the last of the potato salad for dinner, and i had ice cream and cake for dessert.  i am about to shut this biz down for the night, and i'm going to get started when i wake up in the morning.  that's it for the night, folks. 

the Journey

Hot as Blazes...

my sincerest apologies, wherever apropos.  i've been essentially on auto-pilot, just getting through these hot days.  but back on track, because i'm in need of some self-discipline for real right now. 

today, breakfast was an egg hash, two eggs and cheese scrambled with a small potato cubed and fried with onion.  lunch was a hot dog and a hamburger and dinner was a western rib, two wings, both off the grill, with potato salad and cabbage.  had a danish for dessert.  i've been feeling fat lately, eating and lazy are not a good combination.  i'm needing some encouragement to get my ass back to the gym, but regardless of whether it comes or not, i've got to do better than this.  okay, that's where that's at for now. 

...for July 1st

i was so on the go yesterday, and i was so humid, i didn't even think to update here.  not because i ate so poorly, though i could have done much better, just chilled as best i could.  but if i can get on the computer and fuck around on FB for a day, on Tumblr for most of a day, then i can update. 

ate much more than i should have yesterday, i can say honestly.  breakfast was a pancake, eggs and sausage.  lunch was a mini white pizza, a small salad and a piece of foccacia bread.  dinner was one bacon cheeseburger and soup.  had some chips throughout the day, just nibbling.  drank plenty of water, but i need to increase my water intake, decrease the junk and the carbs.  too hot for all that bullshit. 

The Journey

End of June

got no food pics, but i got some food for thought. 

breakfast today was country fried steak with gravy, rye toast, home fries and eggs. 
lunch was a spicy chicken sandwich from BK.  dinner was another pasta throw together with carrots, broccoli, cauliflower, peppers and onions, garlic, chicken and spaghetti noodles, and a cup of soup.  quite delicious.  just wanted to get that logged.

June 28, 2018

don't think i got a pic for this, but i'm not back to logging that way on this page yet.  i'll get there.  first form better habits again, then refine those habits.

breakfast today, a croissandwich from BK, small hash brown.
brunch - other croissandwich
lunch - 2 fish tacos, piece of pineapple cream cheese pie
dinner - chicken sandwich, salad.  2 cookies for dessert
grapes for a snack.

(this is unpublished from the 22nd of June, when i was trying to get re-started the first time)

yesterday's breakfast was non-existent.  i say that because i should have eaten before i started work, and i did not.  not a good thing.  brunch was a ham and cheese omelet with peppers and onions, and two biscuits.  lunch was a burrito from TB, a beefy 5-layer burrito.  dinner was this pasta i threw together at home, which has some sautee'd salt pork, garlic and onions, broccoli and spinach, diced tomatoes and parmesan cheese.  i had a small chicken caeser salad with it.  no dessert yesterday.  snacks along the day were some chips and a chocolate chip cookie.  now, on to the new day.

The Journey

June 26, 2018

next morning, yes, but i'm getting it in.  on Tuesday, for breakfast, i went to McD's, had a sausage muffin, a breakfast burrito, a hash brown.  lunch i had two slices of pizza and 8 wings, garlic parm.  dinner, i had the other half of a meatball sub.  all crap eating, all through the day.  i had the ice cream i didn't have yesterday as well.  ate a bunch of grapes, probably the healthiest eating i did all day.  i've got to do better than this. 

June 25, 2018

let's keep this simple from now on, okay?

deal is, i'm going to log what i eat.  i'm going to be honest about what i eat and why, and when it's problematic, i'm going to work on changing it.  then i'll mark my progress and see what has changed.  doesn't that make more sense?

like, today i had two mid-sized potato patties and two fried eggs for breakfast.  for lunch, i had a six-inch meatball sub.  i had a fish sandwich and a bowl of soup for dinner.  i had a few chips, about 4 pieces of hard candy during the day, and i'm going to have some ice cream for dessert.  that's been my eating day.
the ice cream is purely for taste.  i've got to get some sugar-free subs in and stick to them again.  that's the deal, that's the menu at the Dining Room, and i hope you have a great night.  more tomorrow. 

Life Begins

Not much to say at the moment. Syd is in the delivery process. I'm weary from lack of sleep.  I will post more when this is all done. Prayers and faith.

awhile...

time to get back to allowing God to discipline me as the book outlines. 

this is yesterday's dinner.  sauteed pork chops, brown rice and green beans.  not bad. 

today, breakfast was: a boiled egg, a quarter to a third cup of chicken salad, two biscuits with sugar-free jelly. 

lunch was chips, grapes and a peach.

dinner was a southwest steak and cheese wrap from subway, and chips and a diet Canada Dry ginger ale (CD ginger ale is the best, and that was a shameless plug).  i am done eating, i'm full and i am grateful for the respite from my obsessive appetite.

that is all for today. 

the Journey

indulgence on Saturday

well, i knew it was going to be a bit of a blowoff day.  it's okay though.  i went to breakfast with a friend, had country fried steak with eggs and homefries, one piece of rye toast.  i had a burger, two sausages, potato salad and cabbage this evening.  had six chocolate chip cookies also.  not the best cookies, but a bad chocolate chip cookie is still a chocolate chip cookie.  i'm good with it.  could have gone so much deeper down the rabbit hole, but the point for now is accurate retelling of the menu, rather than explanation.  we'll get back to that pretty soon.  meanwhile, on to The Journey.

may 18, 2018

right, so same thing. accountability.  yesterday i started out pretty healthy, and ended pretty healthy.  i had a moment in the middle but that wasn't as bad as it could have been. 

for breakfast i had a two egg omelet, filled with spinach peppers and onions, with shredded cheese, and a piece of 12 grain toast with honey.

lunch was a Wendy's number 6, small.  which is a spicy chicken sandwich and a small fry, with a diet ginger ale.

dinner was salmon patties, rice and broccoli/cauliflower with cheese.  had grapes and yogurt as my night snack.

between breakfast and lunch i had two donuts. 

i'll log better today.

5/16/18

i was exhausted by the end of the day yesterday and did not post.  not responsible, on my part.  so i'll recap as best as i can.

i did have breakfast, a piece of turkey kielbasa and two eggs, and a banana.  i can't remember if i had toast, and i want to say no.  for lunch, i had a naked chicken taco and a beef/frito burrito from the Bell, as i was rushing to get to my meeting and back to work.  dinner was two salmon patties, sauteed spinach with peppers, onions and mushrooms and rice with garlic and onions.  had ice cream after dinner and one donut after my meeting.  that was my eating on Wednesday.

YEP.

Been a minute, I know.  I've been out of touch because I've been out of touch.  But I'm trying to work on me again, and I have got to start doing this as well.  I have no caloric count for the day, but that's going to start again as well.  I lost another friend this week, and I just don't want to fade from sickness or ill health and become a memory of sadness.  anyway...

breakfast (official) two eggs, scrambled, with salsa and cheese on top, two sausage patties and a biscuit.

Brunch - two scrambled eggs, two sausage links, two small strips of bacon and three-quarters of a slice of rye toast. 

Dinner - a pan saute of  garlic, onions, peppers, jalapenos, imitation crab, turkey kielbasa, spinach, mushrooms and broccoli, over garlic spaghetti. 

Dessert - yellow cake with raisin icing and vanilla ice cream.

thanks for being patient with me, Father

(The Journey)

i had some chicken that i sort of nibbled on this morning as far as breakfast went, and 2 shortbread cookies from the Boss on the bus.  lunch was a lovely chicken sandwich, rotisserie chicken, spinach, tomatoes, provolone and cheddar cheese on 12 grain bread with black bean soup and some chips.  dinner was leftovers from yesterday.  three chocolate chip cookies.  a swiss roll at the parent's house.  still grazing some, but not as bad.  just had to get it in and down. 

Grazing...

not sure what yesterday was about, but i have my thoughts on the matter.  regardless, it wasn't a bad day, just a constant day, of a sort. 

i had leftovers for breakfast on Wednesday (which this covers), five garlic-romano wings and a yogurt.  also a spoonful of peanut butter.  for a snack (timing wise, see the Journey for details) i had the last half a salsa-provolone chicken breast on one piece of 12 grain bread.  for lunch i had a catfish sandwich (sub) and a few fries.  for dinner i had meat loaf, smashed potatoes and cabbage, with cookies for dessert.  i had an apple before i passed out.  not a horrible day, but i seemed to be hungry throughout the day.  goes back to some original training, avoid the H.A.L.T.s (hungry, angry, lonely, tired).

Coordinates Locking...

Monday, April 23, 2018

breakfast: peanut butter 12 grain toast, banana, milk
lunch: black beans & rice, corn bread
dinner: garlic-romano wings, potato soup, broccoli-cauliflower with cheese, corn bread
tiny lemon pie for dessert.

gathering

well, today was good.  it could have been better, but at least i didn't go out and buy trouble today, so that's good.

breakfast:  a two egg mess, which included one small shredded potato, onions and peppers and a super blend of veggies (including kohlrabi, brussel sprouts, bean sprouts, carrots, kale and some kind of cabbage) and a mushroom, with a piece of toast with sugar free jam.  oh, cheese on the mess.

lunch was a piece of salsa chicken breast and a slice of bread and a yogurt.

dinner was soft tacos with a variety of meats and pico de galla and guacamole and queso.  i also had a half chicken sandwich and a small bowl of potato soup later in the evening. 

i had three cookies today, which was the 'could have been better' part of the day. but there you go.  yum all around.

Time Now.

okay, back on the grind.  not going to keep neglecting this, because it is neglecting myself, and that's not cool in a minuscule amount even. 

for breakfast today i had two eggs, the last of my salisbury steak (one) and grits.  for lunch, one and a half slices of pizza and a piece of fish.  for dinner, Spanish-style black beans and rice, chicken wings and corn bread.  just finished a yogurt for my snack.  i feel okay, i'm not bloaty full and i am ready to shut it down.  thank you, Father.

The Journey

day 365, day one approaches...

i'm justifying nothing today.  i'm leaving a list behind, and then i'm getting back to personal responsibility.  it's the only way forward momentum continues. 

today i ate scrambled eggs, sausage links, rye toast and hash browns.  i ate a huge slice of lemon meringue pie and a filet 0 fish sandwich.  i ate a breakfast cookie.  i've had pizza and cake.  i'm pretty sure that's the full list.  i ate things i wanted but not in huge amounts.  i was responsibly irresponsible, and that's something new for me, but it is the truth.  now, i have to get back to being responsible and disciplined and do away with the 'irresponsible' thing.  it's time.  thanks for a year down, a half century in and whatever days remain.  i am blessed.

coulda been worse....

didn't do as bad as i thought i might today.  breakfast was an omelet and toast, the omelet was chicken, spinach, peppers, onions and cheese.  for lunch i had Indian buffet in Niles, so i know there was chicken and broccoli and rice, and some other vegetables, and some na'an bread.  for dinner i had two chicken fajitas, with onions and peppers and spinach and cheese, kinda like my omelet.  again, i thought i would have done away with myself today, but it's okay so far.  we'll see what tomorrow brings when it gets here.  laters...

Impending Damage Control

Zoikes. 

well, it was going to happen, and it has, and i have to show some character now. 

i'll have character.  i will not consume this cake. 

but i'm going to partake.  not today though.

breakfast today: strawberry/banana yogurt with blueberries added, 12 grain toast with peanut butter

brunch: a sausage egg and cheese soft taco and a hash brown

lunch: a blue cheese bacon burger and a cup of wedding soup

dinner: potato soup, maybe a grilled cheese sandwich?  simple anyway.

i'm thankful and blessed, and will remember that today.

fuck this absence...

okay, for breakfast today i had a two egg omelet with leftover broccoli, cauliflower and mashed potatoes in the filling, with some cheese, and a piece of 12 grain toast with sugar free jam.  for lunch, i had chicken salad and a small potato salad from Giant Eagle, and i had an orange.  for dinner i had a green salad consisting of spinach, green onions, grape tomatoes, dried berries, blue cheese, boiled egg and chopped baked chicken.  i also had a chicken sandwich with tomato spinach and cheese.  i'm going to have a yogurt and that's about it for the night.  sorry for my bullshit.

(The Journey)

what happened?

man, i was on it for a minute, then it all went south somehow...maybe the details of the weekend just derailed me, i don't know.  no good excuses, that's for sure. 
anyway, today i had yogurt with blueberries mixed in and peanut butter toast for breakfast, i had six garlic parm wing dings and a chicken pastalillo for lunch and i had a perch salad (just perch atop a green salad) and potato soup for dinner.  probably going to have ice cream for dessert.  that's all for today folks

de-caffienated

2 days without coffee...no sir, i don't like it. 
but things change.  i can try anything, and learn from experience if it's for me or not.  one thing for sure, i am good with changing having all my urine-producing meds at the start of the day.  THAT change is doing me some good, i reckon. 

today:
breakfast - strawberry yogurt and peanut butter toast
lunch - 2 slices of white pizza, soup and a side salad
dinner - fish, zucchini and mac & cheese.

apple pie tentative dessert. 
yow. 

changing things

back to working on it with more gusto, i suppose.  breakfast today was oatmeal with dried berries and a blueberry yogurt.  breakfast on weekdays is going to be a much lighter affair before i leave home, as even 'small larger' (does that make sense?) meals tend to have too great an impact on me.  anyway, lunch was 2 fish tacos from Long John Silvers, still working on giving up beef and pork.  dinner was Chinese, chicken and garlic sauce, egg rolls and hot and sour soup.  just had grapes for my snack. 

where's the beef?

man, wendy's used to have the best commercials.  

so, i'm giving up beef and pork for now.  it's time.  need to start working harder on some gout resolution.  plus, i've known for a while that the diet has to modify as i get older.  just goes with being black in america, i guess...

anway, today i had a piece of bread with peanut butter and a cup of yogurt.  that was breakfast.  for lunch, i had a salad and a chicken philly wrap from the food truck.  the wrap, not my salad.  for dinner i had two chicken salad melts, open face, and a can of chicken gumbo soup.  i've had a muffin for dessert.  i feel good enough, but the morning will tell the tale.  

change gonna come...

sugar-free banana pudding pictured...it was horrible, but it was sugar free, except the wafers that is.

anyway, i change gears starting tomorrow.  going to start dropping some of the intake, volume-wise as well as content.  more on those developments later.  meanwhile...

breakfast:  sausage, eggs and toast
lunch: the Nexus soup
dinner: chicken, ribs, dirty rice and mixed greens
dessert is pictured.

had a sugar free ice cream bar and half an apple as well today.  not as bad as it could have been. 

the Journey

getting it out of my system...

today i had sausage, eggs and toast for breakfast, i had fish, soup, broccoli spears and fries (a few) for lunch and tortilla shell pizza and soup for dinner.  i had some chocolate and a brownie as well.  i know i'm struggling with rigidity right now, i want to walk a much finer line than this.  i'm going to, starting out the week.  implementing change, but i have to be honest with myself about it too.  more later.

six up...

i don't know...likely it's the slipping from the strict discipline, could have something to do with the lack of BP meds though, but i'm up 6 pounds from my last doctor visit.  so, back to the regimen tomorrow.  still don't have my meds though, so i have to be cautious until i'm back on and acclimated as far as physical activity goes.

breakfast today, one breakfast burrito, McD's. 
lunch: fish sandwich, salad, small chili, fruit for dessert
dinner: chicken sandwich and soup.
no dessert

updating

got a thing for meat loaf, i guess.

on sunday i went to breakfast with my son.  i had country fried steak, eggs and home fries and a piece of toast.  for lunch i had nothing, as breakfast was so late in the morning, and for dinner, i had meat loaf, mashed potatoes, cabbage and some of my Nexus soup for an appetizer. 

today i had no breakfast (see the Journey) i had a dozen garlic wingdings for lunch, and i had meat loaf, mashed potatoes and broccoli for dinner.  had a muffin for dessert. 

Friday, Saturday, what i can remember Anyway...

i think the days have gotten away from me a bit, but i have to face why, i have to get honest and i have to do something about it.  i've been eating worse, not horribly, but worse leads to worst and that leads back to the place i'm trying to move away from.  no point living in denial about that fact.  i have to get back to the original Dining Room, logging entire facts about my meals and being responsible enough to enjoy what i'm looking at. 

for instance, Friday i can't even remember breakfast, really.  i'm sure i ate, but i can't remember what.  makes logging it impossible, right?  so not writing shit down the day of makes the excusing my bullshit much easier.  for lunch, i had a gyro and wings and onion rings, like i don't have an eating disorder.  how do i justify that?  by saying 'oh, i didn't have fries though'?  i had beer batter fried fish and cabbage for dinner on friday, again, fried this, fried that.  it starts with a touch of neglect and it ends with the same nonsense as before.

yesterday i had eggs, scrambled with cheese, and home fries for breakfast.  for lunch i had a chicken quesidilla and a cranberry/orange muffin.  for dinner, half a chicken sandwich and soup.  much better than the day before.  eating in that fashion is more responsible and much safer, but i won't maintain that without a conscious effort.  so the time for bullshit is past; it's time to take it to the next phase baby.  i'm done. 

3/22/2018

breakfast today, strange but on point:  two egg, sausage and cheese breakfast toronado thingees from a gas station and a banana.  lunch was a beef and cheese pastallilo and six garlic parm wings.  dinner was chili and crackers.  dessert shall be butterscotch pudding, sugar free of course.  i had a nutty bar and two pecan sandies at my parent's house as well, and a pack of jalapeno cheddar crackers.  that is my eating day.  gym tomorrow before counseling. 

chilling and still in...

i had scrambled eggs with cheese and water for breakfast today.  for lunch i had a patty melt and soup from the DeYor, and for dinner i'm going to have a tortilla pizza and soup.  it was a frightful day, but we've gotten through it, by God's grace, and we're almost ready for Thursday.  it's a good enough day, and i'm glad it's almost over. 

whoops!

oh yeah, i forgot yesterday.  i had time too, and i just ended up crashing and forgot to log my food intake.  got to do it earlier in the day, i imagine.  anyway, breakfast Monday was oatmeal and a piece of peanut butter toast.  lunch was a salad from the Eagle, 5 hot wings and an apple.  dinner was chicken marinara on the stove top with pasta and broccoli, no cheese.  had two brownie bits and a pack of peanut butter crackers as well.  that's about the size of that. 

Sunday wind-down

 well, this has been a day.  i'm glad it's almost over. i guess you know life is changing when you need the weekend to end to get back to the order of your life.  but, oh well.

breakfast today was the other half of yesterday's frittata.  lunch and dinner were cabbage rolls and broccoli and cheese.  had one tiny round brownie for dessert.  that's the extent of that.  oh, half an apple with my breakfast.  

The Journey

Saturday Repast

the day went well enough, aside from the savaging of the sugar-free cookies.  i had a frittata for breakfast, using some of the rutabaga i had left from the soup in place of potato, and a piece of toast.  for lunch, i had the meatball medley soup with a burger quesidilla from the food cart down the street.  dinner was just sweet potato soup, now named Autumn Serenade, with crackers.  i am full and sleepy, so i'm going to try to log at the Journey before i go under. 

fish bingeing

aye, it's that season.  and as i've not gotten a great amount of fish in, that intake previously having much to do with the consumption of fast food fish sandwiches,  did get gluttonous today, to which i must atone in the weekend hours. 

breakfast today was sausage links, eggs and grits.  simple.
lunch was potato leek soup, fish, a tree of broccoli and about 12 french fries
dinner was fish, pierogis and coleslaw. 

had a pack of jalapeno-cheddar crackers, some sugar free fudge wafers (4) and some of my new soup, which i believe is called 'Autumn Serenade'.  getting better.  good bye.

holding pattern

i've been more mindful lately, but i still got to tighten up more. 

today i had a great breakfast, oatmeal and half an apple.  by lunch, i was moving toward want, so i had the world's smallest gyro (yee-row) and some mozzarella sticks, as well as soup.  dinner was good, baked chicken wings, broccoli and the last of my dirty rice.  sugar free pudding for dessert.  nothing to dance and sing about, but nothing to hang my head in shame either.  that's it for now.

Small and Filling

Today I ate rather sparingly through the day, with the exception of breakfast. 

breakfast, as it were, was eggs, sausage links, grits and a piece of toast.  lunch was varied, but mostly half a burger, soup, two pieces of pressure cooker chicken legs.  dinner was chicken tenders and spanakopita, or spinach pie, that my friend made.  i am happy with what i ate, as well as the 3 peanut butter Girl Scout cookies i allowed myself.  it's time to shut it down, almost, and i feel blessed in the process.

Burger Meister

couple days, i know.  just had to get a pain taken care of, and some order restoration in place. 

yesterday i didn't have breakfast.  i had a gluten free pecan sandie, a girl scout cookie, and some Bellvita orange cranberry cookies.  i had a pastellilo and six garlic parm wings for lunch.  i had chicken, fish and mashed potatoes for dinner.  i was so out of sorts with gout, i hate when i'm trying to just 'manage' my movements, because something always ends up out of wack.

today, breakfast was grits, eggs, the last salisbury steak and a biscuit.  lunch was a fish taco.  a bit later i had the last garlic cheddar biscuit from last weekened.  dinner was a burger, sweet potato casserole and broccoli.  sugar free cherry pie with sugar free vanilla ice cream for dessert. 

good enough. 

Thursday, March 8, 2018

no breakfast, trying to work out the 'bathroom issue' in my morning runs.

lunch - fast food, sorry to say.  burger and chicken nuggets from Wendy's

dinner - fish and sweet potatoes

moving along

today i tried not having breakfast in the morning, as i have noticed that when i eat i tend to use the bathroom more while we're en route.  it's purely hypothetical at the moment but we'll see what the results are soon enough. 

so, breakfast today:  a nutty bar found in my meeting bag while i was getting gas (thank you, Father)

lunch:  a gyro from Ghossain's.

dinner:  fish (cat on the right, cod on the left), sweet potato mashed and zucchini.  good eats. 

Breaking B(re)ad

i thought i'd taken a picture of today's meal, but i guess i didn't.  i wanted to, as i had my brother Jerome over for dinner and the company was nice, the weight of another person's physicality in this space.  but it was cool nonetheless, and i'm just going to log and start shutting it down.

3/4/18

breakfast: one hamburger patty, one egg, one piece of toast with sugar-free jam

lunch: sausage, scrambled eggs, one piece rye toast

dinner: BBQ chicken, dirty rice, green beans, one cheddar garlic biscuit

a sliver (literally) of 7up cake at the meeting.

grateful for the meal and the company.  that is all today. 

The Journey

Hiding Places

when i'm honest, admitting that i'm off-center is not only easier, it is essential.  you cannot operate in perfection when you're not perfect.  but you can operate in honesty and leave yourself ample room for improvement in your actions.  to that extent, i've not been eating completely correct, but i'm striving to get back to where i need to be. 

on Friday, my breakfast was yogurt and a banana, my lunch was fish, asparagus, some fries and chili, and my dinner was a taco salad. 

yesterday -
breakfast: 1 italian hot sausage, 3 meatballs, 1 yogurt (leftovers)
lunch: bowl of soup and 2 garlic cheddar biscuits
dinner: salisbury steak, mashed potatoes and broccoli-cauliflower with cheddar

i'm about to get up and make coffee and have breakfast, haven't decided what yet, but i will log it when the day is done. 

Better Day

Breakfast: yogurt and a banana

Lunch: Spicy beef & garlic, hot & sour soup, 2 eggs rolls

Dinner: sausage, meatballs & salad

Wednesday, Feb. 28, 2018

Breakfast: peanut butter toast and a banana

snack: 2 meatballs in red sauce

Lunch: 2 burritos from the Bell

Dinner: one hot Italian sausage, 6 hot wings, salad

4 soft bake cookies for dessert (mistake)

Before I go...

today was an okay eating day, though i feel bloated for some reason.  think i'm still not being 100 percent honest in my observations, but i'm doing what i can.

breakfast was a 2 egg omelet with spinach, peppers, onions and cheese, and two breakfast turkey sausage links

lunch was a beef shawarma and a Lebanon salad, which was the most unusual thing i've eating in quite some time

dinner was 2 fish tacos with a slaw topping of cabbage, jalapeno and onion, and the last of my potato salad. 

that's the word today.

Monday's menu

2/26/2018

Breakfast:  oatmeal and a banana, cup of milk

Lunch: Hamburger on wheat bread

Dinner: Western BBQ, spinach and potato salad

last of the apple turnover for dessert

Rest on a Sunday

dinner's not done, or i'd post a picture of it, not that anyone cares.

but my first meal would be brunch i guess, where i had chicken salad and some crackers.  my lunch today was two fish tacos from LJS, and my dinner is going to be country barbecue, sauteed spinach with onions, green and jalapeno peppers and mushrooms, and potato salad.  apple turnover for dessert, sugar-free.  i think that'll do for the day.  i'm blessed with needed things, and a thing or two that i want.  what more can i ask for?

The Journey

Oh, okay. Here'she the picture. Lawd...

Sick Eating...

breakfast today was bacon, eggs and grits, lunch was two burritos from the Bell, dinner was a grilled cheese sandwich and soup, the last of my soup.  i had chicken salad on crackers as well, and some apple slices. 

i'm hungry for something, i don't know what it is.  my body is trying to get something inside of it, but i don't know what it is.  i have to watch this, it could get out of hand. 

2/23/18

passed out again, didn't log the food or anything else.  but i'm staying up on it as best as i can.

breakfast yesterday was a Mess, consisting of turkey sausage, red onion, eggs, a small baked potato and cheese. 

lunch was six garlic parm wings and a beef and cheese pastallilo from Papa's.

Dinner was chicken salad with apple, blueberries, cranberries, cherries and strawberries on crackers and more soup.  good stuff. 

nothing complicated, and i was full and happy with my meals.  more later. 

Better Day, except for Not Blogging

well, it was a long day and i got home late, and i am medicated.  only excuses. 

Breakfast was turkey sausage and eggs, lunch was a sausage quesidilla and jalapeno bites, dinner was 2 salmon croquettes, turkey cabbage soup and the last of my leftover cabbage.  half a muffin for dessert.  that is all. 

WIP

...stands for Work In Progress.  that's what I am, that's what I'm doing right now.  about to shut it down but i feel pretty good, having finished a very complete edit of a video for EVERYTIME THE PHONE RINGS.  i'm happy with it, but i'm afraid to post it at the moment.  i'll get there, never you mind. 

ANYway...

breakfast today:  a salmon croquette, two eggs and a biscuit

lunch:  a gyro and an italian salad, very good, from Ghossains

Dinner:  homemade soup and meat loaf.

dessert:  half a cranberry orange muffin.

i'm going to shut it down shortly, but i feel better than i have all day and am extremely grateful for the truth of that statement right now

HOME, goddammit...

I shall because i said i would. 

yesterday, about 3 in the a.m., i had a bowl of oatmeal and an orange. 
about 8a.m., i had an omelet, rye toast, some hash browns and coffee at the waffle house
when i got home, i made two steak fajitas with the last of my steak from last week, and had a can of soup with them.
for dinner i had meat loaf and pasta.

so i was all over the damn place on Monday.

Today.
Breakfast: bacon, eggs and a biscuit
Snack: one slice meat loaf and grapes
Lunch: Mexican pizza, mini chicken quesidilla (the Bell)
Dinner: salmon croquettes, sauteed cabbage and a baked potato.
Dessert: vanilla sugar free pudding.

Extended Family, day 3

Breakfast: a burger from yesterday and an orange.
Lunch: fish, baked potato, salad
Snack: 2 eggs rolls
Dinner: chicken, mashed potatoes and green beans

Saturday, Day 2

Breakfast: eggs, sausage and rye toast

Lunch: roast beef, creamed chicken soup, onion rings, corn and jello.

Dinner: burger on a bunch with sautéed peppers, onions and mushrooms and salad.